Teaching Manners & Social Skills
Doesn’t Stop at
Age Seven
Evelyn E. Smith
M. S. in Library Science, University of North Texas
(2012)
- Chris, a high school freshman, still constantly interrupts and talks out of turn.
- Dylan, a 7th-grader, can’t keep his hands to himself.
- Olivia, age 9, has trouble looking others in the eye when they are speaking.
All
of which makes them unpopular with their teachers as well as their classmates,
which keeps them from learning like then should. Even though they are now way beyond the early
elementary grades, they could use a refresher course in manners, or what
therapists and counselors call social skills training.
When
students spend their time bullying, cutting up, or being teased by others, it’s
hard for them to concentrate on their lessons.
Moreover, while parents and teachers from preschool until about the
third grade place a good deal of emphasis on learning social skills, they are
either too busy to attend to polishing manners, or they unfortunately assume
that once kids reach a certain age they don’t need any more help on “playing
well with others”. Nevertheless, it’s
time for parents and educators to borrow a page from the Social Skills Training
playbook to either remediate or to prevent misbehavior since most everyone was
absent from class--or not really paying attention--the day the first grade
teacher taught reading minds.
A
knowledge of this behavioral management therapy as well as an acquaintance with
the characteristics of high-functioning autism will also prevent parents and
teachers from misdiagnosing or even worse excusing certain misbehaviors as
symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, a condition that shares
a few
symptoms with
autism:
Failing to pay attention, not listening, talking excessively or out of turn,
and interrupting (Types of ADHD, 2014, para. 4). However, ADHD diagnosed children and teens
can also benefit from small group or one-on-one Social Skills Training (SST).
.
The
purpose of SST is not to embarrass children and young adults, but to keep them
from being embarrassed by breaking down complex social behaviors into smaller
steps and then reinforcing appropriate behavior by modeling, role playing, and
feedback. Accordingly, psychiatrists,
guidance counselors, and special education teachers use SST to teach socially-challenged
kids conversational skills that fit the occasion since they often lack the
ability to intuit what they should do by observing others’ facial expressions,
body language, and hearing their voice tone.
Additionally, mental health professionals and educators also use SST to enhance
the social skills of children and teens who suffer from shyness or certain
social phobias (DSM-5 Autism Diagnosis Criteria, 2013). Consequently, this Web
page provides lots of links on instruction in manners as well as social skills
training for all children and teens that need brushing up on everyday social
skills.
------------
DSM-5
Autism Diagnosis Criteria. (2013). Autism
Speaks. Retrieved from
Types
of ADHD: Making the diagnosis. (2014). ADHD in Children Health Center. WebM.D. Retrieved from http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/childhood-adhd/types-of-adhd
____________
Laying the Groundwork: Some
Definitions
To
fully understand this concept, the reader first needs to know what Social
Skills Training encompasses as well as a simplified definition of etiquette:
Social
skills training. Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders.
(2014). Retrieved from http://www.minddisorders.com/Py-Z/Social-skills-training.html
Social
Skills Training is a behavioral therapy used to help individuals that “have
difficulty relating to other people” (SST, 2014, para. 1). SST therefore teaches those who may—or may
not—suffer from social and/or emotional problems about verbal and nonverbal
behaviors, so they act appropriately in a variety of social situations. SST consequently
modifies unsuitable social behavior by practicing appropriate actions in
individual or small group therapy sessions (SST, 2014, para. 3). Improvements, however, ordinarily come
slowly, so parents and teachers shouldn’t try to change too many behaviors at
once (SST, 2014, para. 12).
A
major component of SST is breaking down complex social behaviors into smaller
portions, introducing them in their order or difficulty. Then SST reinforces
appropriate behavior by modeling, role-playing, shaping, feedback, and
reinforcement (SST, 2014, para. 15 & 18). Therapists or teachers may also
use SST to teach a specific set of social competencies, such as not invading
the personal space of others, since it improves the ability to be aware of and
act on social cues (SST, 2014, para. 16-17).
Finally, they may modify SST to allow for cultural and gender
differences (SST, 2014, para. 19).
ETIQUETTE: et·i·quette
(ˈe-ti-kət, -ˌket) The rules indicating
the proper and polite way to behave.
Specifically,
the conduct or procedure required by good
breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life
(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/etiquette).
Knowing
the right way to behave in everyday social situations won’t necessarily earn students
a post as a diplomatic attaché, but getting along well with others might result
in better grades, gainful employment, and a happier family life. At this stage of life, it’s ordinarily not
necessary to know which fork to use when dining at the White House or
Buckingham Palace.
Manners Lessons for Ages 3 to 4
| Teaching manners can be part of story time. |
Etiquette
instruction formally becomes a part of the curriculum in preschool and nursery
school, so parents might want to also borrow a few of these ideas:
Magher,
Maria. (2014). Lesson plan ideas for preschool for the theme good manners. Global Post. Demand Media.
Retrieved from http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/lesson-plan-ideas-preschool-theme-good-manners-32394.html
Lessons
on manners at the preschool level explore simple concepts like saying please
and thank you that songs and crafts can reinforced during a single story time
hour, or a teacher can expand the unit to
cover several days (Magher 2014, para. 1):
- Step 1: Explain what manners are and have children practice customs like saying please and thank you
- Step 2: Brainstorm, making a list of how listeners can practice good manners;
- Step 3: Sing fun songs about manners:
Good manners themes and
activities. (2010). Childcare Lounge. Retrieved
from http://www.childcarelounge.com/general-themes/good-manners.php
In addition to singing
about manners to the tune of well-known songs, children can create cover your sneeze please masks, create a
gift for another child; and upon exchanging presents, create a thank you note, and/or
collaborate with a partner, painting a picture together. As a science activity, children, also working
with partners, can combine water colors to see what colors they make (http://www.color-wheel-artist.com/primary-colors.html),and
the class can also brainstorm about when it is important to say please and
thank you, and record this information on a chart. Holding a tea party or providing please and
thank you snacks also reinforce the manners theme (Childcare Lounge, para. 2-8).
Music & Songs.
(2013). Preschool Education. Retrieved from
Sung to familiar
melodies, songs cover such topics as saying please and thank you, washing one’s
hands before eating, table manners, and thoughtfulness.
- Step 4 & 6: Create a collaborative art project, so children can show good manners by working together.
- Step 5: Put on a puppet show that covers topics like sharing, listening, and saying please and thank you.
- Step 7: Practice writing thank you notes.
- Step 8: Provide prompts on good table manners during snack time.
Willa.
(2012, June 6). Manners: Ideas for a
kindergarten theme to tech good manners.
Bright Hub Education. Retrieved from http://www.brighthubeducation.com/pre-k-and-k-lesson-plans/8108-good-manners-theme-for-young-students/
This
Bright Hub lesson plan allows
teachers to expand a unit on manners and character building for several weeks
or compress it to one or two sessions (Willa, 2012, para. 1).
- Morning Circle Time: During circle time, announce that each child caught displaying good manners will earn a star for his or crown attached to a bulletin board, and if everyone earns a star, the class will celebrate with a party (Willa, 2012, para 2).
- Story Time: Select stories on sharing, kindness, taking turns, and practicing good manners (Willa, 2012, para. 3).
- Snack Time: Daily select a particular meal time practice to demonstrate and reinforce; for example, not talking with one’s mouth full (Willa, 2012, para. 4).
- Center Time: Allow children to role play practicing customs like saying “excuse me” or “I’m sorry” or answering a question in class (Willis, 2012, para. 5).
- Crafts: Encourage children to either build a block castle together and/or have them draw pictures illustrating a particular manner they should practice (Willis, 2012, para. 5). .
- Assessment: Each day a child practices good manners, the teacher adds a star to his or her crown (Willis, 2012, para. 6).
Manners Lesson Plans for Grades K to 3
| Make sure your child's teacher incorporates learning social skills in the weekly lesson plans. |
Teachers and parents of pupils in kindergarten
through third grade routinely continue to polish their chargers’ manners:
CrunchingLeaves. (2012, January 17). Teaching elementary etiquette with this
lesson plan on using polite words. Bright Hub Education. Retrieved from http://www.brighthubeducation.com/lesson-plans-grades-3-5/16191-please-and-thank-you-lesson-plan-for-elementary-school/
After explaining that words like please, thank you,
and excuse me show respect and appreciation, point out situations where it is
appropriate to use these courteous words and phrases (Teaching elementary etiquette, 2012, para. 2). Students can then write
scripts, practice saying what they have written, and perform skits before the
class, presenting scenarios where it is appropriate to use polite words (Teaching elementary etiquette, 2012,
para. 3).
The Bright Hub
lesson plan then recommends several read aloud picture books to supplement the
lesson (whose reviews appear later on this Web page):
[Brandenberg], Aliki. (1997). Manners. New York: Greenwillow Books. (Ages 4-8).
McGrath, Bob.
Ophs! Excuse Me! Please!: And
Other Mannerly Tales. Mauppauge, New York: Barron’s Educational Series,
Inc. (Preschool & up).
Seslyle, Joslin & Maurice Sendak. (1986). What
Do You Say, Dear? New York: HarperCollins.
(Ages 4-8).
Finally, Bright
Hub furnishes links to two lesson plans on manners:
CrunchingLeaves. (2012, January 17). Teaching
elementary etiquette with this table manners lesson plan. Retrieved from http://www.brighthubeducation.com/lesson-plans-grades-3-5/16183-table-manners-lesson-plan-for-elementary-children/
Explain
that good table manners show consideration for other diners (Table Manners, 2012,
para. 3). Then read aloud Gelett
Burgesses’ “The Goops” either in print or online:
Depending upon the age of the class, ask the pupils
to draw pictures of this ill-mannered family at the table, and/or have the
class memorize the poem together (Table Manners, 2012, para. 4).
At lunch or when the children receive a snack, the
teacher should form small groups to monitor each other’s meal time behavior;
and as a follow up, depending on the children’s age, the teacher can read selections aloud, or assign pairs of
students to read to each other from these suggested books (reviewed later in
this blog post):
Burgess, Gelett. (1900). The Goops and How to Be Them: A
Manual for Polite Children. Ed.
2005. Adapted by Barbara Ross and Nicholas Beatty. Battle Ground, Washington: Goops Unlimited. (Ages 4-8).
Espeland, Pamela & Verdick, Elizabeth. (2007). Dude,
That’s Rude! (Get Some Manners). Minneapolis, Minnesota: Free Spirit Publishing. (Ages 8-13).
Finn, N.
Carrie. (2007). Manners at the
Table. Way to Be! Chicago: Capstone Publishers. (Kindergarten-grade
2).
Senning, Cindy Post & Post, Peggy. (2009). Emily
Post’s Table Manners for Kids. New York:
HarperCollins. (3rd to 7th grade).
(Table Manners 2012, para. 5)
As is the custom on Bright Hub Lesson Pages, links to other lesson plans follow. From
whether or not to say grace to not slurping soup, this comprehensive children’s
etiquette book answers table manners questions that kids need to know.
CrunchingLeaves. (2012, February 14). Elementary
etiquette: A lesson plan on gratitude. Bright Hub Education. Retrieved
from http://www.brighthubeducation.com/lesson-plans-grades-3-5/16191-please-and-thank-you-lesson-plan-for-elementary-school/
Encourage children to express their gratitude in a
timely and suitable manner by asking if they remember if and how they thanked
someone who gave them a gift or did someone particularly thoughtful for them (Gratitude,
2012, para. 2-4). Children can then compose thank you notes for recently
received gifts; and after writing a rough draft, they can create thank you
notes themselves (Gratitude, 2012, para. 5-6).
Note: Microsoft
provides templates for thank you notes that the class can use, although the
teacher should stress that customarily thank you notes are handwritten and not
typed (http://www.emilypost.com/social-life/gift-giving-and-receiving/880-appropriate-thank-you-notes).
Bright
Hub
also lists books that might help in carrying out this lesson:
MacGregor, Cynthia. Thanks Aunt Zelda! Thank You Cards for Kids to Craft.
Montreal: Lobster Press. (Grades 2 to
5).
Spizman, Ali Lauren.
(2000). The Thank You Book for
Kids: Hundreds of Creative Cool, and Clever Ways to Say Thank You. Atlanta,
Georgia: Longstreet Press. (Ages 8-12).
Humanity
Quest. (n. d.). Manners
Retrieved from http://www.humanityquest.com/topic/art_activities/index.asp?theme1=manners
Humanity
Quest provides a long list of multimedia art projects for
teaching manners; however, the links to the lesson plans either don’t work or
don’t directly address how to create the projects. Nevertheless, ideas like creating a manners
collage or making masks to show how manners look sound intriguing (Humanity Quest, n. d., para. 1).
Luddy, Joan. (2010). Students learn respect thanks
to good manners. Education World.
Retrieved from http://www.educationworld.com/a_curr/curr232.shtml
Teaching manners receives like attention in the
public schools beyond the very early grades, even though “manners and respect
are inseparable” (Luddy, 2010, para. 6-7).
Thus, it falls to parents to fill-in-the-gaps by following a training
agenda similar to the social skills training that psychologists recommend for
children with high-functioning autism:
1) teach social skills one at a time, 2) provide immediate feedback, 3)
tolerate mistakes, but don’t overlook them, 4) provide prompts when children
forget their manners, and 5) model mannerly behavior (Luddy 2010, para 8).
The “doyenne of decorum”, Letitia Baldrige (1926-2012), who
served as First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy’s social secretary and who also updated
Amy Vanderbilt’s Compete Book of
Etiquette (1978), similarly advises
that parents should tell children how they expect them to behave in public
ahead of time, praise them for acts of kindness, admit their own mistakes, and
discuss how embarrassing social missteps might be handled differently (Luddy,
2010, para. 9-10).
Additionally, the National Association of Elementary
School Principals has some ideas on how parents can improve their children’s
social behavior:
- Stress “the Golden Rule” (“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”): Children should treat others as they would like to be treated;
- Explain that “thoughtless, unkind words and acts” can hurt others;
- Role-play with children difficult social situations;
- Put in force a no tolerance politeness policy for basic manners:
- Teach children the importance of courteous and kind acts; for example, require them to write thank you notes when they receive gifts.
(Luddy, 2010, para.
11-12)
Thankfully, elementary schools are also beginning to
formally teach manners as part of the elementary school curriculum. Volunteers at Paxtonia Elementary in
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, for instance, read manners books in every class while
children receive school store coupons when teachers or administrators catch
them committing “random acts of kindness”; fifth-grade pupils research
etiquette and social skills questions submitted by other grades for Q. and A. morning
announcement spots, and teachers insert social skills into the teaching of
other subjects (Luddy, 2010, para. 13-17).
Meanwhile, middle school students prepare for a
formal dinner at a prestigious Seattle restaurant by practicing their table
manners throughout the year, and fourth-graders in Campbell, California,
practice good manners before hosting their mothers at “Mother May I” luncheon
at year’s end (Luddy, 2010, para. 18-19).
A second grade teacher in Hawaii has also developed a
Respect Lesson Plan that she introduces by reading Ina Friedman’s How My Parents Learned to Eat and
Barbara Conney’s Miss Rumphius
(Luddy, 2010, para. 23). Although
Luddy’s article includes a link to this curriculum guide, it no longer works,
and a Web search doesn’t turn it up.
Nevertheless, the story books that form the basis for teaching respect
in multi-cultural Hawaii are both thoughtful and thought provoking:
Cooney, Barbara. (1985). Miss Rumphius. New York: Viking Press. (Kindergarten & up).
The narrator’s great aunt follows her grandfather’s advice
to make the world more beautiful, for she travels the world planting
wildflowers.
Friedman, Ina R. (1987). How My
Parents Learned to Eat. New
York: Sandpiper Houghton Mifflin Books. (Kindergarten--grade 3).
A young girl tells how her American dad and her
Japanese mother met, fell in love, and learned how to understand each other’s
cultures.
Finally, Luddy praises some Websites that teach
manners across the curriculum:
The
Manners Books for Kids Website advertises books aimed at
second through fourth graders that features a curriculum that insert lesson
plans on manners throughout the year (Luddy, 2010, para 20-21).
Lindy, Elaine.
(2013). Stories to Grow By with
Whootie Owl. Retrieved from http://www.storiestogrowby.com/values.html
Stories
to Grow By furnishes free stories that emphasize such themes
as cooperation, courage, generosity gratitude, and listening, some of which
come accompanied with writing prompts, and a reader’s theater that provides character-building scripts for
plays. A companion Spanish/ English
Website provides a smaller collection of Reader’s Theater and role-playing
scripts: http://www.whootieowl.com/learn_english/Spanish/cat-story-shell.htm.
Theme: School
Manners. Respect. (n. d.).
Learning for Life. Retrieved from http://learning.learningforlife.org/wp-content/pdf/Early%20Childhood%20Sample%20Lessons.pdf
Learning
for Life lesson plans consist of 1) a role-playing activity in which pupils
demonstrate good school manners, such as covering the mouth when coughing or
sneezing,, and 2) activity sheets illustrating the same. As a follow up activity, this lesson plan
also suggests reading The Bernstain Bears
Forget Their Manners (reviewed later on this Web page), so the teacher may
need to relate the manners that everyone should follow all the time to how to
practice good manners in school.
Bernstain, Stan & Bernstain, Jan. (1985). The
Bernstain Bears Forget Their Manners. New York: Random House Books for Young Readers.
(Kindergarten-2nd grade).
SST: Not Just for Socially Challenged
| Some days everyone needs a little help in behaving. |
Clearly
telling kids how to behave and as necessary adding modeling and role playing of appropriate
behavior to reinforce this message improves classroom discipline and hence
enhances learning in all children and young adults.
Lerner,
Matthew. (2012, August 24). Promoting
Teen Social Skills. Autism Speaks. Retrieved from http://www.autismspeaks.org/blog/2012/08/24/promoting-teen-social-skills
For
teens with high-functioning autism, problems with inappropriate social skills
become more pronounced in high school (Lerner, 2012, August 24, para. 1). At this age, structured learning in a small
group setting [3 to 5 participants] is the most common intervention for dealing
with behavioral problems. In this
setting, teachers and/or counselors model appropriate social behavior and then
supervise role playing whereupon they expect group members to use these skills
with their peers (Lerner, 2012, August 24, para. 3). Some adolescents, however, may be too
self-conscious to benefit from small group training, and certainly no approach
works for all young adults diagnosed with autism (Lerner, 2012, August 24,
para. 2 & 3).
An
alternative social skills performance training model—Socio-Dramatic Affective
Rational Intervention: Drama therapy relies
on improvisational games to teach social skills, embeds rewards in the social
experience, such as going out to eat together after learning dining etiquette, and
uses counselors instead of teachers to
avoid teacher-student relationships (Lerner, 2012, August 24,para. 5).
Rudy, Lisa Jo. (2014, April 22). Social skills training and autism: The basics.
Autism Spectrum Disorders. About.com. Retrieved from http://autism.about.com/od/autismtherapy101/a/socskillbasics.htm
Kids with autism have problems “mind reading”, or knowing
what others are thinking, a talent that most observers intuit by observing
conversational tone, facial expressions, and body language. Consequently, this “mind blindness” leads to
social blunders, hurting others feelings or posing inappropriate questions, so
these social skills mistakes ultimately lead to teasing, bullying, and
ostracism (Rudy, 2014, April 22, para. 1-2).
Do It Yourself SST at home features books and videos
modeling social interaction and script scenarios, many of which are available online
(Rudy, 2014, April 22, para. 5).
Similarly, SST in a school
setting depends on group activities, including games and a conversational
format to focus on such social skills as being a good sport, or playing well
with others, sharing, and conversational skills while SST in a clinical setting often imparts
appropriate social skills through drama therapy (Rudy, 2014, April 22, para.
6-8).
Rao, Patricia, Beidel, Deborah C. Murray, Michael J. (2009). Social skills interventions for children
with Asperger's Syndrome or high-functioning autism: A review and recommendations. Journal
of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 38, 353-361. ERIC. Retrieved from http://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ785363
Rao, Beidel, and Murray describe the disparity of
social skills programs and freely admit the lack of a universal definition of
social skills as well as the various levels and intensities and length of
treatment along with the diversity of theoretical backgrounds and clinical and
classroom programs that lurk underneath the banner of SST (Rao, 2009, p.
353). Even so, the researchers do
suggest that social skills may be broadly defined as “specific behaviors that
result in positive interactions through verbal and nonverbal behavior”, for
instance, smiling and making eye contact (Rao, 2009, p. 353). Likewise, those children who lack sufficient
social skills can be identified and remediated as early as preschool (Rao, 2009
p. 353).
However, by adolescence, a lack of social skills
results in ridicule and rejection because these young adults often can’t
cooperate and maintain self-control, and if these deficits last into adulthood,
adults are more likely to be unemployed or underemployed and less likely to
have “satisfying social relationships” (Rao, 2009, p. 354).
Traditional social skills training takes place in
small groups or in a classroom and is usually a four-part process: 1)
assessment to determine a baseline (how much social training does an individual
need), 2) the SST itself, 3) feedback, and 4) follow up (Rao, 2009, p.
355). Additionally, parents may keep
weekly problem behavioral logs that they share with parent/educator discussion
groups, and one hour sessions of direct instruction may supplement small group
instruction, which is usually made up of modelling, role-playing, and
reinforcement as well as possibly several hours of community service work.
Participants may also read from social scripts with pictures and written cues
(Rao, 2009, p. 357).
School-based social training may also include social
cognition, emotional understanding, and social interaction competency as the
curriculum covers such topics as conversational skills and responding
appropriately to criticism (Rao, 2009, pp. 357-358).
Social skills: Promoting positive behavior, academic
success, and school safety. 2002). NASP
Resources. Retrieved from http://www.nasponline.org/resources/factsheets/socialskills_fs.aspx
Most children pick up social skills through interacting
with peers and adults; and in turn, their parents and teachers strengthen these
skills through casual learning and direct and indirect instruction. While traditionally schools relied on the
nuclear family to instill interpersonal skills, they increasingly ask teachers to
take on this duty (NASP, 2002, para.
2). Responding with resiliency to
crises, taking a measured approach to aggression and frustration, and accepting
personal responsibility are all signs of someone who possesses good social skills while
conversely difficulty in interpersonal relationships, violence, depression,
anxiety, poor academic performance, and criminal activity all signify a lack of
social skills (NASP, 2002, para
3-4).
Social skills impacting school safety include anger
management, understanding others points of view, social problem solving, peer
negotiation and resistance, conflict management, the ability to actively
listen, effective communication skills, and tolerance of diversity (NASP, 2002, para. 5).
Academic survival, or “how to study” skills, include
listening, following directions, and
ignoring distractions while interpersonal skills include the practices
of sharing, asking permission, waiting in queues, and taking turns. Problem-solving skills cover such topics as
asking for help and accepting the consequences of one’s actions, and conflict resolution skills focus on
subjects like teasing and peer pressure (NASP,
2002, para 6).
A social skill problem may be caused because someone
doesn’t know how to act, or he or she regularly fails to behave appropriately while
knowing better (NASP, 2002, para. 7).
Social skills intervention may alleviate these problems by either learning
through observation, hearing teachers and parents praise those who are behaving
correctly, and/or offering alternatives
for misbehavior, addressing environmental factors, or addressing individual
emotional and behavioral-based disabilities (NASP, 2002, para 8-11).
After SST determines why someone misbehaves, it changes
misconduct into desirable behavior through modelling, coaching, providing
immediate performance feedback, and rewarding good behavior. This behavior
modification therapy thus falls back on punitive measures only if positive
reinforcements are unsuccessful (NASP,
2002, para. 12). School-based SST programs include parents and caregivers in
the behavioral modification process that avoids a one-size-fits-all approach (NASP, 2002, para. 13).
NASP
then provides a quick assessment of four
social skills programs.
Project Achieve. (2012). Retrieved from http://www.projectachieve.info/project-achieve-program/project-achieve-overview.html
The "Stop and Think" Social Skills Program
(Knoff) has a history of reducing discipline referrals to the principal’s
office.
Primary
Mental Health Project (n. d.). Retrieved from http://php.scripts.psu.edu/dept/prevention/PMHP.htm
The Primary Mental Health Project (Cowen et al.) through one-on-one therapy
sessions treats kindergarten through fourth grade children (rather than third
grade as the NASP article indicates)
for social and emotional problems interfere with learning.
The
EQUIP Program. (2014). Research Press. Retrieved
from http://www.researchpress.com/scripts/product.asp?item=4848#5134
EQUIP Program (Gibbs, Potter, & Goldstein) is a
three-part intervention program that includes training in moral judgment, anger
management, and prosocial skills for anti-social behavior in adolescents.
The Walker Social Skills Curriculum: The ACCEPTS
Program, Curriculum Guide. (2012). Pro-ED. Retrieved from http://www.proedinc.com/customer/productView.aspx?ID=625&SearchWord=ACCEPTS%20PROGRAM
The ACCEPTS Program (Walker et al) curriculum allows
regular and special-education teachers to teach SSST through either one-on-on,
small group, or classroom instruction
The ACCEPTS nine-step procedure uses direct instruction and social
behavioral scripts, to teach social concepts like getting along, making
friends, and coping skills.
Teaching
social skills to kids who don’t have them yet. (n. d.). Behavior
Advisor.com. Retrieved from http://www.behavioradvisor.com/SocialSkills.html
Behavior
Advisor argues that “some kids know intellectually what
they should be doing in a particular set of circumstances, but they haven’t
practiced the correct behavior”—yet (Teaching Social Skills, n. d., para.
2). Consequently, they need to practice
communication, problem-solving, decision-making, self-management, and per
relations skills (Teaching Social Skills, n. d., para. 9).
Accordingly, Behavior
Advisor views these deficits as mistakes in learning caused by one of the
following possibilities:
- The children didn’t know another way to act other than how they behave, for they don’t receive appropriate guidance at home, or they lack proper role model;
- They knew the correct way to behave, but they haven’t had enough practice doing so.
- They have tried behaving appropriately in the past, but it didn’t work for them, so they fell back on their old bad habits. In other words, positive or negative reinforcement forms the basis of behavior.
(Teaching Social
Skills, n. d., para. 10-14)
Consequently, the first step in curing misbehavior
is to ask if a behavioral problem is a “skills deficit” or a “performance
deficit” (Teaching Social Skills, n. d., para. 15). Moreover, since poor social
skills often result in social rejection, teachers and parents of children with
emotional and behavioral problems need to partner in training children and
young adults in social skills with daily, structured lessons. Even so, some of those lacking in social
skills won’t respond to this instruction because they don’t following social norms
“necessarily useful” (Teaching Social Skills, n. d., para. 16-18).
Social Skills Training includes training in 1)
manners and cooperating with others, 2) appropriate classroom comportment, 3)
anger management, and 4) conflict resolution (Teaching Social Skills, n. d.,
para. 19). So starting in preschool, teachers and parents should train children
not only in listening skills and study skills, but also should help them learn
how to keep and make friends, control their emotions, make positive moral
choices, and deal with stress (Teaching Social Skills, n. d., para. 20).
In most instances, after selecting students who need
SST, this therapy clarifies the behavior that needs amending, identifies
positive reinforcements, and then attempts to change the students’ behavior
(Teaching Social Skills, n. d., para 23).
Specific SST ordinarily takes place in small groups of between three to
five students, who meet early in the day.
Counselors teach easy-to-learn social skills first through guided
practice and feedback (Teaching Social Skills, n. d., para. 24).
Tse, Jeanie, Jack Strulovitch, & Tagalalakis,
Vicki, et al. (2007). Social skills training for
adolescents with Asperger Syndrome and high-functioning autism. Journal
of Autism Developmental Disorders, 37, 1960-1968. doi:
10.100/s10803-006-0323-3. [Abstract].
Retrieved from http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs10803-006-0343-3
In this McGill University study, after 12 weeks of
social skills training in a social worker or psychologist led group setting of
between 7 and 8 adolescents, participants reported more “perceived
improvements” than their parents did (Tse, 2007, p. 1961).
Online SST & Clinical Interventions
Parents and teachers can turn to online resources
for help with Social Skills training, even though SST may take place in a
clinical setting.
All the tools you need to teach lifelong social
skills. (n. d.). Social Skills Central. Retrieved from http://socialskillscentral.com/
For $14.95 a month (or for a two day free trial), Social Skills Central furnishes age-appropriate
expert advice, games, e-books, group and individual activities, worksheets, and
self-assessments from preschool through high school. For example, beginning in preschool, children
receive help dealing with anger management, anxiety and shyness, apologizing,
bullying and teasing, classroom behavior, compassion, sharing, complements,
conversational skills, friendships, greetings, group behavior, personal space,
public behavior, secrets and lies, self-worth and confidence, and
sportsmanship. In addition to this list of social skills that
all children need to acquire, Social
Skills Central also equips elementary students to come to terms with their appearance, develop
patience, withstand peer pressure, and deal with technology as well as helping
teenagers make thoughtful and appropriate choices about smoking, drugs,
alcohol, and premarital sex.
Dichter, Gabriel.
(2012, July 31). Social skills
for teenagers. Autism Speaks. Retrieved from http://www.autismspeaks.org/blog/2012/07/31/social-skills-teenagers
Dichter is associated with the Social Skills Clinic
for the Carolina Institute for Developmental Disorders, a behavior therapy center that focuses on
helping teenagers understand the feelings of others, so they improve their
social behavior and function in the real world.
Early sessions focus on sequentially developing social skills and progress
to role playing between participants (Dichter, 2012, July 31, para 1 & 3).
Social Skills Training Program for Teens. (2007).
Variety Child Learning Center. Retrieved from http://www.vclc.org/social-skills-training-for-teens.html
Variety
Learning Center aims its social skills training program
at teens ages 13 to 16 that have difficulties behaving properly and making
friends. The program trains young teens
in flexible thinking skills, creative thinking, expressing opinions, social
problem solving, and meal time etiquette, and it makes them aware of how
behavior and appearance affects others as it covers inappropriate boy/girl
reaction, conversational skills, and body language, frustration, tolerance,
conflict resolution, anger management, self-esteem, social situations as well
as how to cope with teasing, and bullying (Social Skills Training Program for
Teens, 2007, para. 1-3).
Ways adults with Asperger’s Syndrome can improve their
social skills. (n. d.). Succeed Socially.com. Retrieved from http://www.succeedsocially.com/helpaspergers
Adults with Asperger’s can gradually improve social
skills, but they still exhibit many “quirky traits” because they have mixed
feelings about complying with societal norms: 1) They may equate socializing
with failure and rejection; 2) they may possibly resent having to conform to
“good social skills”; 3) they are perhaps “fed up” with hearing that something
is wrong with them, and 4) they “want
certain things for themselves socially”, but this interest doesn’t extend to
complying fully with societal norms (Ways, n. d., para. 2-6). Indeed, some
adults diagnosed with Asperger’s wrap up all their self-worth in passing
themselves off as normal (Ways, n. d., para. 11).
Succeed
Socially also contains some helpful links for overcoming
shyness, coping with anxiety, making friends, meeting people, and taking part
in group conversations that young adults may find beneficial.
Teaching Social Skills to
Preschoolers & Kindergarteners
While these links don’t detail full lesson plans,
they do give how-to tips to parents on teaching social skills and manners.
Fetzer. Mary. (2014). How to raise mannerly children. She Knows. Retrieved from http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/818128/Manners-for-pre-school-children
Since most children first learn manners at home,
Fetzer gives tips on teaching greetings, saying please, thank you, and I’m
sorry as well as helping preschoolers develop table manners.
Five playful ways to work on listening and following
directions. (2012, October 1). Playing with Words 365. Retrieved from http://www.playingwithwords365.com/2012/10/five-playful-ways-to-work-on-listening-skills/
Preschoolers can learn about following directions by
playing games like I Spy and Follow the Leader as well as by completing simple
obstacle courses.
Good manners theme and activities. (2010) Child
Care Lounge. Retrieved from http://www.childcarelounge.com/general-themes/good-manners.php
Children can learn manners through songs and finger
plays, arts and crafts, science and math-based activities, and sharing at snack
time.
Manners. (2014). Parents.com. Meredith Corporation. Retrieved from http://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/development/manners/
Parents.com
furnishes 11 links that teach children manners.
Poole, Carla Miller, Susan A., & Church, Ellen Booth.
(2013) Ages and stages: Learning to
follow directions. Scholastic Early Childhood Today.
Scholastic, Inc. Retrieved from http://www.scholastic.com/teachers/article/ages-stages-learning-follow-directions
When toddlers wave goodbye, play pat-a-cake, or put
away their toys as requested they are learning to follow directions. Nursery school age children (age 3 sand 4)
learn by doing, so caregivers can offer them simple choices to make (Poole,
2013, para 1-8). By age 4, children can
successfully respond to three-step directions.
Some “field-sensitive” children need an adult to demonstrate a new
activity before they attempt it while “field-independent” children don’t need
to copy a model (Poole, 2013, para. 9-17).
Kindergarten
and first-grade children need a lot of practice following directions and
sometime need to take things one step at a time. They need adults to give directions in
context, and they also benefit from movement games like Simon Says. Adults should give positive, easy to
understand directions and suggestions, model good listening skills, and strive
to make following directions fun (Poole, 2013, para.18-25).
Rock, Amanda. (2014). Manners for kids: An etiquette guide for your preschooler. Parenting > preschoolers. About.com. Retrieved from http://preschoolers.about.com/od/socialemotionalgrowth/tp/Manners-For-Kids.htm
As preschoolers mature, they need to observe social
niceties like not throwing temper tantrums (Rock, 2014, para. 1-3). From there, parents can move on to teaching
restaurant and table manners (Rock, 2014, para. 4-5).
Child Psychology Texts Take on Social Skills
Parents and teachers may also wish to access
educational psychology textbooks that concentrate on equipping children with
social skills.
Bloomquist, Michael L. (2012). Skills
Training for Struggling Kids: Promoting Your Child’s Behavioral, Emotional,
Academic, and Social Development.
New York: Guilford Publications. [e-book].
Bloomquist believes that emotionally-challenged
children don’t purposefully misbehave, but rather they lack the social skills
to act appropriately. Accordingly, he
furnishes specific strategies to build their social skills.
Eberly, Sheryl. (2011).
365 Manners Kids Should Know: Games Activities, and Other Fun Ways to Help
Children and Teens Learn Etiquette.
New York: Harmony.
Eberly outlines the
manners children and young adults should master by a certain age and then
furnishes activities that reinforce these social skills.
Ozonoff, Sally, Dawson,
Geraldine, & McPartland, James.
(2014). A Parent's Guide to
High-Functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder: How to Meet the Challenges and Help
Your Child Thrive. New York: Gildford Press.
A trio of child psychiatrists offers practical
strategies for helping kids deal with peers, conform to appropriate behavior,
and succeed academically.
Peterson, Lindy. (2002). Social Savvy: Help Your Child Fit in
with Others. Melbourne, Australia:
Australia Council for Education Research.
Peterson helps parents manage their children
behavior and equip them with social skills through practice, practice, and more
practice.
Willey, L. H. (1999). Pretending
to be Normal: Living with Asperger’s Syndrome. London: Jessica Kingsley.
Willey, who has Asperger’s Syndrome, shares her own
struggle in pretending to be normal as well as what she has endured as a parent
of a daughter diagnosed with Asperger’s in infancy.
Dealing with Tween & Teen Angst
| Adolescence is a difficult time. |
Tweens and teens need some extra help surviving and
thriving during adolescence:
Baker, Jed. (2008). Social Skills Picture Book for High School and Beyond. Arlington,
Texas: Future Horizons
Baker details both right and wrong behavior before
providing practice in acting out suitable behavior and feedback. The text also analyzes inappropriate conduct,
so a replacement skill set can supersede it.
---. (2004). Social
Skills Training for Children and Adolescents with Asperger Syndrome and Social Communications
Problems. 2nd Printing. Shawnee Mission, Kansas: Autism Publishing Co.
Baker breaks down social skills for students with
special needs as well as for their peers who need to hone their sensitivity to
others with learning difficulties.
Bolick, Teresa. (2001). Asperger Syndrome and Adolescence:
Helping Preteens Get Ready for the Real World. Gloucester, Massachusetts: Four Winds Press.
A clinical psychologist specializing in autism
disorders offers practical advice and effective techniques for parents of
preteens and young teens diagnosed with high-functioning autism.
Cooper, Barbara & Widdows, Nancy. (2002). The Social Success Workbook for Teens: Skill Building Activities for Teens with
Nonverbal Learning Disorders, Asperger’s Disorder, and Other Social Problems. Oakland, California: Instant Help Book.
Cooper and Widdows furnish suggestions activities
and handouts that will interest middle and high school students that need to
improve their social skills either working independently or in groups.
Cornish, Ursula & Ross, Fiona. (2004). Social Skills Training for Adolescents with
General Moderate Learning Difficulties.
London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
This training session and workshop book for teachers
offers a multi-sensory, cognitive behavioral approach. The curriculum guide
comes complete with homework handouts.
Laugeson, Elizabeth A. (2014). The PEERS Curriculum for School Based
Professionals: Social Skills Training
for Adolescents with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
New York: Routledge.
This 16-week step-by-step program contains divided
lesson plans, each including concrete rules and steps as well as an
accompanying out-of-class assignment, “fun activities”, parent handouts,
teaching tips, and research validating the curriculum.
Patrick, Nancy J. (2008). Social
Skills for Teenagers and Adults with Asperger Syndrome: A Practical Guide to Day-to-Day Life. London: Jessica Kingsley. [e-book].
Patrick provides specific strategies and practical
ways for teens and adults to hone their social interaction skills by defining a
behavioral problem, giving positive and negative responses, modelling the
appropriate response, and offering opportunities for role-playing. Adults and teens have given this e-book rave
reviews on Amazon.com.
Elementary School Age Manners Reinforcement
Instruction in social skills shouldn’t stop in early
elementary school or be confined only to special education classes particularly
since many children with high-functioning autism are mainstreamed.
Koernies, Jahine, Marris, Brian, & Rae, Tina.
(2005) Problem Postcards: Social,
Emotional, and Behavioral Skills Training for Disaffected and Difficult Children
Aged 7 to 11. Thousand Oaks,
California: Sage.
This elementary school teachers’ resource for
dealing with problem behavior includes warm up activities and worksheets.
White, Susan Williams. (2013). Social Skills Training for Children with Asperger Syndrome and
High-Functioning Autism. New York:
Guilford Press.
White provides tools and strategies for implementing
SST in schools and clinical settings.
However, chapter 7 details “Promoting Social Skills Training at Home”
since White argues that these children “don’t result from lack of motivation,
but from lack of ability” (White 2013, p. 6).
Social Skills Training for the Very Young
If parents notice problems relating to others early
enough they can begin SST during preschool:
Howlin, Patricia & Baron-Cohen, Simon, et al. (1999). Teaching
Children with Autism to Mind Read: A
Practical Guide. London: Wiley.
Howlin and Baron-Cohen use pictures to help very
young autistic children how to interpret facial expressions.
Peterson, Lindy. (2002). Social Savvy: Help Your Child Fit in
with Others. Melbourne, Australia:
Australia Council for Education Research.
Peterson helps parents manage their children
behavior and equip them with social skills through repeated practice.
Preschool & Kindergarten Etiquette Books
Parents, teachers, and librarians will all
appreciate these etiquette picture books while children will delight in the
stories:
Bernstain, Stan & Bernstain, Jan. (1985). The
Bernstain Bears Forget Their Manners. New York: Random House Books for Young Readers.
(Kindergarten—2nd grade).
When the bear cubs and dad forget their manners,
Mama Bear requires the family to follow “The Bear Family’s Manners Plan”.
[Brandenberg], Aliki. (1997). Manners. New York: Greenwillow Books. (Ages 4-8).
Aliki uses a series of pictures to teach courtesy to
pre-readers, so the book simply begs for Mommy or Daddy to explain the details.
Burgess,
Gelett. (1900). The Goops and How to Be
Them: A Manual for Polite Children. 2005
Ed. Adapted by Barbara Ross and Nicholas Beatty. Battle Ground, Washington: Goops Unlimited. (Ages 4-8).
First
published in 1900 and adapted in 2005, this classic reinforces good manners,
including Burgess’ famous table manners poem, with memorable rhymes and
illustrations.
Finn,
N. Carrie. (2007). Manners at the Table. Way to
Be! Chicago: Capstone Publishers. (Kindergarten-grade
2).
This
quick read with a repeating rhyme nd easily understandable pictures and texts
helps beginning readers understand good table manners
Leaf,
Munro. (2007). Manners Can Be Fun. New York:
Universe Publishing. (Ages 4-
8).
This delightfully old-fashioned book explains
manners in a way that very small children will understand.
McGrath, Bob. Ophs! Excuse Me! Please!: And Other Mannerly
Tales. Mauppauge, New York: Barron’s Educational Series, Inc. (Preschool & up).
Author Bob McGrath and illustrator Tammie Lyon
present 28 humorous scenarios that reinforce good behavior and encourage talks
with young children about social skills.
Meiners, Cheri J. (2003). Share
and Take Turns. Minneapolis,
Minnesota: Free Spirit Publishing. (Ages 4-8).
Written at the preschool and kindergarten level,
this guide provides concrete examples that show children how to share and take
turns.
Richard
Scary’s Please and Thank You. (1973). Random House
Books for Young Readers (Ages 3-7).
Children will love the illustrations in this beloved
book on manners while parents will appreciate the manners that it teaches.
Senning, Cindy Post & Post, Peggy. (2009). Emily
Post’s Table Manners for Kids. New York:
HarperCollins. (3rd to 7th grade).
From whether or not to say grace to not slurping
one’s soup, this comprehensive children’s etiquette book answers table manners
questions that elementary and middle school kids need to know.
Seslyle, Joslin & Maurice Sendak. (1986). What
Do You Say, Dear? New York:
HarperCollins. (Ages 4-8).
Q.“What do you say when you bump into a crocodile
on a crowded street?” A. I’d say, “Joslin’s
witty dialogue and Sendak’s illustrations teach manners with a dash of humor.”
Manners for Elementary School Readers
These manners books for elementary school children
can serve as resources for social skills lesson plans.
Espeland, Pamela & Verdick, Elizabeth. (2007). Dude, That’s Rude! (Get Some Manners).
Minneapolis, Minnesota: Free
Spirit Publishing. (Ages 8-13).
Espeland’s detailed guidebook on manners aimed at older
elementary school students is sure to hold their attention with humorous drawings and
witty writing, starting with an explanation of such "power words" as please, thank you, you’re welcome, excuse me, yes, please, no,
thank you, and I’m sorry and "PU words" like shut up, get lost, big deal, so
what, you suck, and whatever (2007, pp. 6-7).
MacGregor, Cynthia. Thanks Aunt Zelda! Thank You Cards for Kids to Craft.
Montreal: Lobster Press. (Grades 2 to
5).
MacGregor explains why it’s important to write thank
you notes before furnishing directions for making personally designed thank you
notes, which makes this a perfect activity for teaching writing both as a
language arts activity and an arts and crafts project.
Sornson, Bob (2013) Stand in My Shoes: Kids Learning about Empathy. Northville, Michigan:
Love & Logic Press. (Ages 6-9).
Sornson’s tale teaches the concept of empathy and
shows its practice in a family setting.
Parents, teachers, and librarian can then extend this understanding of
others’ feelings in a discussion that follows the reading.
Spizman, Ali Lauren.
(2000). The Thank You Book for
Kids: Hundreds of Creative Cool, and Clever Ways to Say Thank You. Atlanta,
Georgia: Longstreet Press. (Ages 8-12).
The 14-year-old author provides lots of model thank
you notes as well as ideas for decorating them since “if everyone took a little
more time to express a thank-you, then the world would be a kinder and sweeter
place to live (Spizman, 2000, para. ix).
Verdick, Elizabeth. (2010). Don’t Behave Like You Live in a Cave. (Laugh
& Learn). Minneapolis,
Minnesota: Free Spirit Publishing. (Ages
8-13).
Elementary school-readers from age 8 to 11 will
enjoy the humorous cartoons and light conversational tone that reviews positive
and negative behaviors and reinforces positive social skills.
Social Skills Reading for Young Adults
| Social Skills and etiquette books for teens often include how to study, resume, and job interview advice. |
Social skills handbooks and etiquette guides aimed
at young adults are useful resources for all tweens and teens.
O’Toole, Jennifer Cook. (2013). The Asperkid’s Secret Book of Social
Rules: The Handbook of Not-So-Obvious
Social Guidelines for Tweens and Teens with Asperger Syndrome. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Written by an Aspie
and mother of three, this “how to” guide serves as a social survival manual for
tweens and teens.
Moore, June Hines. (2007). Manners Made Easy for Teens: 10 Steps to a Life of Confidence, Poise, and
Respect. Nashville: B & H Publishing Group.
Hines provides rudimentary advice to young adults on
how to act in certain situations, first furnishing a set of rules and then
providing a script, thus making it an excellent resource for workshop and
classroom social skills training. Moore
gears the first section at teens while she writes second half of the book for their
teachers.
Jackson, Luke. (2002). Freaks, Geeks, and Asperger Syndrome:
A User Guide to Adolescence.
London: Jessica Kingsley.
A 13-year-old English teen diagnosed with Asperger
Syndrome writes an honest guide dealing with friendships, bullying, dating, and
school problems.
Packer, Alex. (1997). How Rude! The Teenager’s Guide to Good Manners, Proper Behavior, and Not
Grossing People Out. Minneapolis,
Minnesota: Free Spirit Publishing.
Psychologist and educator Alex Pack covers sex-edquette, toiletiquette, and netiquette
in this witty social skills book written for teens, although parents of middle
school students might not want their sons to know all the details about how to
use a condom. Flow charts appear
throughout the book detailing the consequences of correct or inappropriate
behavior.
Senning, Cindy Post & Post, Peggy. (2007). Teen Manners: From Malls to Meals to Messaging
and Beyond. New York: HarperTeen.
This
precise etiquette guide for children from age 9 into young adulthood holds that
“manners matter, but principles matter more” (Senning, 2007, p. 4). Emily Post’
great granddaughters thus define etiquette and its importance before furnishing
a handbook on relationships, meal time manners, correspondence, and social
skills for school, applying for jobs, and gaining admission to college. An
Amazon.com reviewer cautions, however, that parents of elementary school age
readers may want to censor the section on oral sex until they are emotionally
mature enough to read it.
Williams, Terrie. (2001). Stay Strong: Simple Life Lessons
for Teens. New York: Scholastic.
A Hollywood Public Relations specialist gives her
African-American audience advice on ethics, manners, and personal
relations. Although this social skills
book will definitely benefit most middle school and high school students, Amazon.com
reader reviews indicate that some readers may find that the book is not as hip
as it claims to be.
___________
Other blog pages in the Ways to Improve Your Child’s Grades
series:
Make sure your child has a regular bedtime and enough
sleep. Ways to Improve Your Child’s
Grades. (2014, January 18). Retrieved
from http://evelynelainesmith.blogspot.com/2014/01/ten-ways-to-improve-your-childs-grades.html
Limit and Monitor the Use of Social Media: How Social
Media Influences Academic Success. (17 February 2014; revised 2015, January 6).
Retrieved from https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6180686702778716801#editor/target=post;postID=7228483845226909971;onPublishedMenu=posts;onClosedMenu=posts;postNum=34;src=postname
Make sure your child participates in aerobic exercise
daily: Students who regularly exercise
make better grades. (2014, March 8). http://evelynelainesmith.blogspot.com/2014/03/ways-to-improve-your-childs-grades-3-of.html
Read to your child daily: Read aloud and along with children to ensure
their success. (2014, July 11). Retrieved from http://evelynelainesmith.blogspot.com/2014/07/ways-to-improve-your-childs-grades-4-of.html
Teach your child
time management skills: Perfect your
child’s time management skills. (2015, February 6). Retrieved from http://evelynelainesmith.blogspot.com/2015/02/ways-to-improve-your-childs-grades-6-of.html
